Treading Water
by ejzah
Summary: Speculative fic following season 9 finale episodes, 'A Line in the Sand and Ninguna Salida'. The team deals with the repercussions of their unsanctioned mission to Mexico. Meanwhile, Kensi and Deeks explore the possibilities of their future together. Rated T with some moments of M.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Speculative story following season 9 finale episodes, A Line in the Sand and Ninguna Salida. Picks up once the team is back in the U.S. This is a team/Densi fic, so expect a good deal of angst, some romance, humor, and drama.

This fic is rated T overall, however there are portions that will be in M territory, including the first bit of this chapter. I will warn as I go

*First two paragraphs are rated M*

* * *

Armistice

His left hand pulled her hips closer, his own hips never stilling in their steady, rolling pace while his other hand lifted her leg up at an impossibly high angle. Kensi's breath hissed out in a rush of air. On the next thrust she moved her hips in time with Deeks', intent on eliciting the same reaction from him. He moaned quietly and dropped his head on her shoulder for a moment.

"One of these days you are going to kill me, you know that right?" he said in between short intakes of breath. Kensi grinned and rubbed his back for a few seconds before she hooked her leg around his hip again, urging him on with a few short thrusts. Deeks lifted his head, his eyes glinting with desire as he cupped a hand around the back of Kensi's head and sealed his mouth to hers. Her stomach tightened in anticipation as Deeks began moving again in earnest.

Kensi's eyes popped open suddenly, her body thrumming with desire, little spasms tightening her core, and a general sense of confusion blurring her mind. She took in a few steadying breaths to clear her sleep-hazed brain. She glanced to the right and suddenly reality came rushing back as she took in Deeks' sleeping form.

He was on his back, his broken arm propped up on a pillow and his hair obscuring the upper half of his face. The thin cotton sheet they used during the summer was pulled up to his mid-chest.

Kensi propped herself up on her elbows, leaning over slightly to assure herself Deeks wasn't in any distress. He slept on peacefully, a small crease between his eyebrows the only sign that he might be in pain.

She flopped back on her back with a sigh. Normally, she might be worried that she'd wake Deeks but she knew from the last few weeks that the pain meds he was taking would keep him out for a good six hours.

Turning on her side, Kensi studied the side of his head. It was too dark to really see details in the faint glow of moonlight filtering through the drapes, but Kensi didn't need it to know exactly where a row of stitches marched across his hairline or that his torso was still bruised and swollen from four broken ribs. Her fingers twitched as she resisted the urge to run her fingers through his hair, caress his still healing skin.

It had been terrifying when she'd first gained consciousness in Mexico to find Deeks unresponsive and his face coated in blood.

She shuddered at the memory, reminding her of the previous night's dream. The last week or so she'd invariably woken up in the middle of the night in either a state of extreme arousal or panic. If she wasn't dreaming about doing indecent things with Deeks, then he was bleeding in the middle of a dusty road. That was, if she was actually able to free him from the SUV before he was consumed by flames.

It was enough to temper any lingering feelings of desire for the moment and make her infinitely glad that she was merely left frustrated this time around. The last nightmare had her fighting back silent tears and checking to make sure Deeks was actually beside her and not dead.

Reaching to the side, Kensi grabbed her watch and sighed as she noted it was ten after five. Based on the last few nights' experience, she doubted she would fall asleep again. Even so, she rolled back onto her side and silently watched the steady rise and fall of Deeks' chest as he slept.

* * *

Deeks wandered into the kitchen at 7:15 as Kensi was removing a mostly char-free piece of bacon from the skillet. Well, Kensi amended, shuffled was a slightly more apt description. His healing ribs left him in a nearly constant hunched position when he was upright and made walking uncomfortable.

He'd dressed in a dark blue tee and form-fitting jeans which were a particular favorite of Kensi's and his hair clung to his jaw and upper neck from a recent shower. It was good to see him in something other than sweats and hoodies, his favored outfit since leaving the hospital.

She glanced back in the pan briefly, double checking that the bacon hadn't blackened when she wasn't looking and then turned her attention back to Deeks.

"Hey baby, how'd you sleep?" she asked, watching as Deeks sank into a kitchen chair and then absentmindedly adjusted the strap on the sling that kept his broken arm immobile.

"Ok, I guess," he answered with a shrug, followed by an immediate wince. Kensi frowned in sympathy as he gingerly placed his hand to his side. "God, I keep forgetting how much broken ribs suck," he breathed out. Keeping his eyes closed, Deeks sucked in several shallow breaths in an attempt to temper the pain.

Kensi watched him surreptitiously, unable to completely hide her concern. She'd had broken or bruised ribs before and she knew that 'sucks' didn't begin to cover how painful they could be.

"Are you ok?" Kensi asked in a carefully measured tone once Deeks' features had smoothed out, indicating the worst of the discomfort had passed.

"Yeah, I think it's actually getting better," Deeks said. Kensi just barely managed to hold back an eye roll. She somehow sincerely doubted that Deeks' ribs hurt any less than they had three days ago when he'd choked on a piece of apple and nearly passed out from the pain.

Instead, she focused on removing the last piece of bacon from the pan and started slicing a bowl of strawberries to go with the oatmeal waiting on the back of the stove. She still wasn't a great cook, hell she was still pretty terrible, but in the last few weeks she'd been forced to call on the combined forces of her mom and Deeks' verbal directions and a copy of Cooking for Dummies or succumb to starvation.

It definitely was still way outside her comfort zone, but Kensi couldn't help but feel just a little proud that she'd managed to feed both herself and Deeks without poisoning either one of them.

Finishing off the last strawberry with a series of slow, deliberate slices, Kensi glanced back at Deeks who was staring pensively at the wall.

"Are you excited about your first day back?" she asked. Hetty had agreed to let Deeks come back to war in a very limited capacity and with the understanding that he was to keep himself away from any and all danger or feel the tiny woman's wrath.

"I don't know if excited is the right word," he answered with a frown. "More like relieved. At least I'll be doing something useful, even if it is just cleaning out Cold War era files."

"You know, no one's expecting you to be back yet, right?" Kensi said, finally voicing a concern that had been niggling at her since Deeks had told her the good news. Maybe it was hypocritical, given her own propensity to ignore doctor's suggestions, but she couldn't help but want Deeks to stay home and heal for as long as possible.

"Sam's supposed to be out another two weeks at least," she reminded him.

"Yeah, and Sam also got shot in the leg, tore open his stitches and lost two pints of blood," Deeks argued in what could only be described as a dismissive tone. "I'll be fine,"

"Ok," Kensi said, realizing that arguing wasn't going to do any good. She knew Deeks was getting antsy, particularly when he had to watch her leave every day while he was stuck at home. She continued fixing their meal in silence, placing a handful of strawberries on top of each bowl of oatmeal and had just started pouring coffee into mugs when Deeks spoke up again,

"There is something I think we should talk about before we go it today," he started. Something in his voice made Kensi turn around mid-pour. Deeks sucked in a shallow breath, running a hand through his hair that disrupted his barely dry curls. When it became obvious that Kensi wasn't going to provide any type of reprieve, he cleared his throat and continued.

"Before we left for Mexico" Kensi felt her heart plummet, intuitively knowing where Deeks was headed. "Um, we never got a chance to really deal with what we talked about in the parking garage and since we got back, well, we've kind of been acting like nothing happened, but I think we should–"

"No." Kensi said definitively, cutting Deeks short and drawing a surprised look from him. He blinked a couple time and then seemed to gather himself.

"Baby, we can't just pretend it didn't happen," he said, his expression pleading. Kensi braced her hands against the edge of the counter, lowering her head for a second as she worked to regulate her suddenly racing heart.

"I didn't say that we should ignore it, but I do not want to talk about this now," she said firmly and tightly.

"Kens–" Deeks protested and she knew he was about to say something perfectly sensible and logical. She pushed herself off the counter almost violently, propelling her body forward until she stood just a few inches away from Deeks. Cupping his chin in her hand, Kensi leaned down and kissed the surprised look from his mouth.

"We will, but not today," she repeated, easing her lips from a slightly breathless Deeks. "Ok?"

Kensi pulled back just enough to see Deeks' expression switch from surprised pleasure to confusion, then annoyance and finally smooth out into what appeared to be understanding. She had no idea what conclusion he'd come to; if she was being honest, she wasn't entirely sure why she was putting this conversation off herself. All she knew was the thought of losing the relative peace of the last few weeks was terrifying.

"Ok, we'll wait," Deeks said at last. "For now."

* * *

"Did we check Tijuana yet?"

"Why the hell would she go to Tijuana?"

"It's relatively close by, has all the comforts of a modern city but also the appeal of being foreign city. Plus, once you leave the resort areas, there's plenty of places to hide out just in case you've got the federal government looking for you."

"G, I promise you, Mosley is not hiding out in Tijuana," Sam said, sounding remarkably annoyed for someone who'd been on sick leave for three weeks." Kensi shared a brief grin with Deeks who was walking beside. Callen and Sam had obviously missed their grand entrance amidst all the bickering.

"Hey man, I thought you were out for another week or so," Deeks greeted Sam, walking between the four desks. Kensi followed a little more slowly, taking a moment to set down her and Deeks' bags. She noticed Deeks unconsciously stood a little taller as he stopped in front of Sam's desk despite how much it must have strained his ribs and she shook her head at his stubbornness.

"Deeks, good to see you!" Sam said happily as he grabbed his crutches and expertly maneuvered himself to his feet. He carefully wrapped an arm around Deeks' shoulders, patting him on the back with a little less force than usual. Callen stood with a lot less effort than his partner and reached for Deeks' uninjured hand, still not one for overt demonstrations of affection.

"You look a lot better than you did the last time I saw you," Callen said by way of greeting and Kensi snorted out a surprised laugh while Sam made an exasperated noise.

"That's a real compliment, last time you saw him his entire face was covered in blood," Sam said derisively.

"And he looks better now!" Callen explained defensively, gesturing to Deeks to demonstrate his point. Deeks did look better, at least outwardly; he'd made a point of combing his hair to cover any visible stitches and his clothes covered any remaining bruises and cuts. Still, as Sam and Callen continued to observe him, Kensi knew they hadn't missed his stiff posture or careful movements any more than she had.

"As much as I'm loving all this scrutiny, you never answered my question, Sam," Deeks said, turning the attention away from him and back to Sam, who had given in and lowered himself to his chair once more, carefully extending his left leg in front of him. He'd even gone so far as to slip a spare box of files under his desk to use as a leg rest.

"I'm not back yet," Sam answered tersely.

"You look back," Callen offered helpfully.

"I told you," Sam said in a very pointed voice that made Kensi think he'd already had this particular conversation with his partner, "I'm not back, I'm just consulting."

"Uh-huh." Deeks chuckled, clearly enjoying Sam's exasperation and Kensi grinned at the wonderful normalcy of it all.

"Anyway…I don't know how much Kensi told you, but we've been trying to locate Mosley for the last two weeks. And by we, I mean Kensi and Callen have been helping Eric and Nell sift through security footage and flagged passports," Sam said.

"Did Mosley really leave a note taking responsibility for our little adventure in Mexico?" Deeks asked with a note of incredulity.

"Yes, she gave a very detailed account of her actions, explained why she felt the need to threaten and/or fire nearly every member of this team and said she was 'sorry' but the benefits outweighed the means," Callen said. "Her words, not mine. With that and a few interviews with DOJ, we were cleared from any responsibility. Probably didn't hurt that Hetty had SECNAV on speed dial."

"Must have been some letter," Deeks said darkly.

I think Hetty had it laminated if you want to take a look."

"I'm good," he said with a look of distaste. There was a moment of awkward silence as Callen obviously realized Deeks didn't find Mosley or her note remotely amusing.

"Well, it's good to see you back, even if it is with restrictions," Sam said with deliberate casualness. Behind Deeks, Kensi caught his eye and nodded gratefully.

"I'm guessing the whole Tijuana debate means you haven't made a lot of progress," Deeks said dryly, plucking an open file from Sam's desk. He paged through it quickly, keeping it secure between his good hand and his chest, his eyebrows rising as he read. "Well, she definitely isn't stupid, I'll give her that." He tossed the file back on the desk, wobbling slightly as he overbalanced. Sam hooked one of his crutches on Deeks' desk chair and shoved it towards him.

"Here, sit down before you fall on your face," he instructed dispassionately. Deeks took his advice and gingerly sat down, unable to completely hide a wince.

"Your ribs still hurt?"

"Only when I laugh or cough. Or breathe," Deek answered with a self-deprecating smirk. "Don't worry, though. You give me a couple more days and I'll be ready to chase down bad guys all day."

"You know you guys can take as much time as you need, right?" Kensi asked with an edge she couldn't quite mask. Deeks and Sam men looked at each other and then down at themselves as if to question why they would possibly need more time to recuperate.

"We're fine," Sam said, earning a nod from Deeks.

"Neither of you can stand for more than five minutes," Callen pointed out, earning himself twin looks of betrayal.

"What Callen's trying to say is, we want both of you here, we would love to have our partners back, but not at the risk of your health."

"Amen to that," Nell said, coming up behind Kensi, closely followed by Eric. She walked over to Sam and Deeks, wrapping each of them in a hug. Kensi saw her whisper something to Deeks that she couldn't quite hear to which Deeks smiled gently and nodded. "It's so good to see you guys," she added, straightening up.

"Really good," Eric echoed. "It's been kind of lonely the last few weeks."

"So you're saying that we're not good company?" Callen asked archly.

"No, no it's just not as…cheerful, shall we say when Sam and Deeks aren't here," Eric said.

"That does not sound better."

Actually, the reason we came down in the first place," Nell interrupted, "was to tell you that we think we have a lead on Mosley."

* * *

A/N: I intend to make this a multi-chapter fic, but I'm notoriously bad at follow through, so if anyone would like to give me a push now and then that would be great.

And yes, I am playing fast and loose with the possible repercussions of the Mexico Incident for the moment.


	2. Making Amends

Making Amends

Rather than jogging up the stairs as they normally would, Eric and Nell lingered while Deeks stood up and then Sam, much more arduously, got to his feet. Only then did they begin to move towards the stairs and Kensi realized that unconsciously she and Callen had taken up the rear to better protect their injured partners.

Eric and Nell were waiting for them in OPS by the time Sam had conquered the stairs. Even though he was fairly agile on his crutches, he was still significantly slower than normal and was struggling to conceal his slightly heightened breathing.

"Mr. Hanna, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, nodding from the center of the room. She wore the tiniest of pleased smirks despite the stern expression she made as she pointed towards a pair of rolling desk chairs to her left. "It is indeed good to see you both up and about, but please sit down before I regret allowing you to participate," she added with a tone that had Sam and Deeks heading for their chairs as quickly as physically possible.

"We missed you too, Hetty," Deeks said as he passed and this time Hetty couldn't quite hide her smirk. Kensi shook her head in amusement; it was always a good sign if Deeks was capable of flirting.

"Now, as Nell mentioned, we have some new information that may help us locate our former executive assistant director. Miss Jones?" Hetty gestured to Nell who nodded and walked to the center of the room, tablet in hand.

"For the last few weeks, Eric and I have been looking through any flagged passports, IDs, and security camera footage from airports, bus stops and trains where there's been a sighting of individuals who fit Mosley and her son's profiles. We focused mostly on airports though because as you know, upon arriving back from Mexico with Derrick, Mosley ordered an agency car which she drove to Van Nuys airport," Nell explained, mostly for Sam and Deeks' benefit since Kensi and Callen had been a part of the investigation for the last two weeks.

Kensi allowed herself to tune out for a moment as she watched Deeks out of the corner of her eye. He in turn watched Nell with his head tilted, completely focused on everything she was saying, but with none of the animosity she had expected, given the subject matter.

"From there we assume she chartered a private jet but we can't really be sure since there wasn't security footage and the airport has no record of her or Derrick boarding a registered flight," Nell continued.

"I'm guessing she wasn't kind enough to leave behind a paper trail," Deeks said, staring at the picture of Mosley that now populated of quarter of the big screen with a small frown of distaste. It was the first sign he'd given that Mosley was anything other than a mere suspect. For some reason Kensi felt a strange sense of relief. She preferred his resentment and anger to the odd mix of complacency and single-minded desire to return to NCIS as quickly as possible.

"Unfortunately no. She left all her credit and debit cards behind, wiped her cell and about two weeks before Mexico, she cashed in her entire retirement fund which came to just a little over a 100 grand." Nell said with a grimace of apology.

"Awesome," Deeks summed up wryly.

"Pretty much. So far there haven't been any flagged passports that matched Mosley and Derrick's description. However, Hetty does have a contact who was able to monitor US citizens entering foreign countries and field any likely candidates to us."

"And they've all been dead ends until today," Eric said, picking up the narrative and tapping a few keys to pull up a grainy looking photo of a woman. "Hetty's contact sent us a copy of this passport which was used at a terminal at Varadero Airport, located in Varadero Cuba, 36 hours after Mosley returned to the US." A copy of a passport bearing the name 'Cameron Porter' and a photo that was clearly Mosley but with much shorter, red hair and rather heavy makeup appeared on the big screen. "She also had one for Derrick under the name 'James Porter'."

"What's she doing in Cuba?" Callen asked, sounding confused and irritated by Mosley's actions. Kensi wasn't sure she understood her motivations either, but she couldn't blame the woman for being unprepared. She'd obviously planned her escape thoroughly and far before Derrick Mosley was on their radar.

"Cuba has a history of not extraditing wanted criminals, maybe Mosley thought she'd take her chances," Sam suggested. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and added, "And we figured she'd seek refuge in a country that wouldn't welcome the U.S. government with open arms."

"But she has a kid with her," Callen said incredulously. "What good does it do if she takes him away from his father, only to illegally enter a country like Cuba?" Kensi pressed her lips together, knowing where Callen was coming from, but worried that he was once again becoming too emotionally involved. The last thing they needed was another impromptu rescue mission.

"Well, Cuba historically treats American fugitives fairly well as long as they stay out of trouble once they're there. I doubt Mosley would purposely put Derrick in danger," Kensi pointed out, earning a frown from Callen. He looked ready to say something further but merely shook his head and muttered something unintelligible to himself.

"Um, I should point out that we don't actually know if Mosley is still in Cuba or if she was there for any considerable length of time. This is the first legitimate piece of evidence we have in regards to her location. We have no idea where she went after getting off this flight," Eric explained, glancing nervously between Kensi and Callen.

"I have a question," Deeks said, sticking his hand up in the air like a grade school kid and instantly easing the rising tension. Sam shook his head at Deeks' antics as everyone turned towards the pair. "Why are we searching for Mosley in the first place? We just helped her retrieve her kidnapped son from her arms dealing ex, it seems a little counterintuitive for us to be trying to arrest her now."

"Mosley did break several laws and violate NCIS protocols, ethics and her own duties as a member of the agency," Nell offered. Deeks snorted at her open-minded and arguably mild assessment of Mosley's crimes and leaned back in his desk chair as though he was having a leisurely chat.

"I get that, but why are we investigating? I mean, why isn't another agency or at the very least, another NCIS team, searching for Mosley? It definitely seems like a conflict of interest to me," Deeks said, reminding everyone that he would have made an excellent lawyer. Kensi frowned, mulling over his words. She'd wondered the same thing initially, but her relief at being cleared of any misconduct had tempered any curiosity.

"I rather think that this is a kind of test for us. SECNAV may have cleared this team of direct responsibility but it doesn't mean that she is ready to allow us free reign again," Hetty said solemnly. "Callen and Kensi have been assisted by other NCIS teams since their return as a way of ensuring that we actually have a vested interest in locating EAD Mosley."

"Well, isn't that wonderful," Deeks muttered dryly. "Where does that leave us, are we in danger of being fired or transferred?"

Kensi winced as the tension came flooding back, but couldn't fault him for being concerned. It was a question that had been teasing at the back of her mind for weeks, just another item in a long list of unknowns. Callen appeared unmoved by the topic while Eric and Nell shared a look of reassurance, apparently having discussed this very issue previously. Sam merely looked irritable, which Kensi attributed more so to pain than fear of losing his job.

Hetty, in contrast to them all, seemed almost pleased that Deeks had taken the plunge when no one else was brave enough.

"For now, you are all safe in your current positions, particularly you Mr. Deeks. When SECNAV saw video of your objections and so forth, she was most impressed," Hetty said fondly, then before anyone could interject again gestured back to Eric. "Now, if we could get back to EAD Mosley's whereabouts."

"Right, so for the moment we're assuming that Mosley is still in Cuba. She did take a taxi from the airport, but at the moment we don't have the ability to track it or question her driver so once again, we don't know her destination."

"And she hasn't used the same passport either so if she has left Cuba then we can assume she had multiple ID's made," Nell added, not sounding particularly optimistic. Kensi couldn't help but agree that so far Mosley was eluding them with great skill.

"Thank you, Eric and Nell," Hetty said, turning to address the remaining members of the team. "Callen and Kensi I want you to go to Van Nuys. See if you they have any record of a private flight to Varadero, Cuba. Any information we can gather about Mosley's connections and plans may be of use."

"Alright, at least this time we have a time and a picture to go on," Kensi said dryly. Callen seemed unconcerned by yet another trip to the airport and she supposed that given Hetty's latest news, they should be grateful they were allowed to investigate anything.

"Uh, Hetty, what do you want me and Sam to do?" Deeks asked, raising his voice to a level that was sure to reach Hetty, who was slowly exiting the room, as well as anyone passing by OPS.

"Ah yes, gentleman, I nearly forgot," Hetty said with a clap of her hands and a dramatic turn that made Kensi certain she hadn't forgotten anything. "You two will be sorting through the rest of Mosley's emails from her private accounts." She smiled wickedly as Deeks narrowed his eyes and Sam sank a little deeper into his chair with a disgruntled noise.

"I thought Eric and Nell had already gone through her emails," Sam said in a clear attempt at a reasonable voice which Kensi though sounded decidedly sulky. "Don't they have a program for that?"

"You are correct," Hetty agreed. "But those were from her agency account. I'm afraid she also had three private accounts that haven't been fully sorted through and they need a more human touch."

"Better you than me," Kensi heard Nell mutter. Sam said nothing else, seeming to accept that he wouldn't be receiving a more exciting task and Hetty headed for the doors once more, throwing over shoulder before she disappeared completely,

"Oh and by the way, you both look dreadful."

"Ok, so I'm sending you both any information Varadero Airport sent us concerning Mosley's arrival and a copy of her and Derrick's passports," Nell said to Kensi and Callen and a few moments later she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket.

"Thanks Nell," she said, then turned to Deeks. "C'mon partner, we'll help you get settled downstairs so you can start sorting through all those emails. Nell said there's thousands."

"You're evil," Deeks grumbled, pushing himself up from his chair and then automatically offering his right hand to Sam while Nell scurried forward to gather his crutches. They made it back downstairs without incident, but Kensi distinctly heard Sam muttering about poor building design as he gratefully headed for his chair.

As promised, Callen and Kensi made sure their partners had everything they could possibly need for the next few hours so they wouldn't need to get up any more than necessary.

Securing her gun, Kensi watched Deeks type one-handed, his eyes moving back and forth as he read and his brow furrowed as attempted to navigate with five fewer fingers. She knew it was ridiculous, but she was reluctant to leave him at the mission house where he seemed so much more vulnerable than their home.

She watched him for a few more seconds and then she was crossing the short space between their desks, disregarding any foolish rules she might have made about romance and boundaries. Once again she saw a brief look of surprise before Deeks leaned up and met her lips in a soft kiss, his right hand lifting to clasp the back of her head as though this was a common workplace occurrence. She eased back and ran a hand down his jaw, ignoring Sam's look of mild interest.

"Don't work too hard," she whispered, earning a hint of the smile that Deeks reserved solely for her. She stepped back, joining Callen who was watching them with an amused expression. His grin widened as he turned to Sam with an expectant expression and open arms.

"Don't even think about it," Sam warned him as he took a step forward.

"C'mon man, it's what partners are doing these days," Callen said, ignoring Sam's threat and taking another step in his direction. Deeks' eyes lit up with obvious delight as Callen continued advancing on Sam who no longer looked even slightly amused.

"You even think about touching me with those lips and you'll see just what I can do with one leg and two arms," he said with a dark glint in his eyes.

"Fine, but when I fill out my partner survey this year, I'm giving you a 3 for sociability," Callen said, shaking his head with feigned disappointment. Then more seriously added, "Let us know if you guys find anything and if you start to get tired, go home. It's not gonna help anyone if you wear yourselves out." Kensi nodded in agreement, slightly surprised by Callen's adamancy but she supposed she wasn't the only one who was worried about her partner.

"Yes, Dad," Deeks said in a singsong voice as they left.

* * *

Deeks scrubbed his hand through his hair and then alternately pressed his palm against his eyes. He'd forgotten just how much it sucked to have only one functioning arm, although he supposed he should consider himself lucky that he'd broken his left instead of his right. Keeping up basic hygiene, let alone writing or typing was remarkably difficult with your non-dominant hand, something he'd discovered the first time he'd sprained his wrist while surfing.

"You alright?" Sam asked from beside him, making him jump ever so slightly. Deeks quickly straightened up, but not so quickly that he jarred his ribs.

"Yeah, but I think my eyeballs are about ready to fall out," he answered, rubbing his eyes once more for good measure. He glared at his computer screen, the words blurring together into an indistinguishable line. "How did one woman send this many emails?"

"I guess she wasn't just watching us when she was up there in her office," Sam said, glancing up at the space where Mosley's lair had once hung. Hetty had dismantled it with remarkable efficiency and now all that remained were pieces of metal infrastructure.

Sam didn't sound nearly as frustrated as Deeks expected at being side-lined with busywork.

"I would've thought you'd be fighting tooth and nail to be out there with Kensi and Callen," Deeks said with a groan as he stretched his right arm above his head. "You seem pretty relaxed with all this."

"I know my limitations and I pushed them going to Mexico. I'm not going to push now when I know I'll just set myself back and end up being a liability." Sam said, sounding remarkably reasonable. Deeks blinked a couple time, wondering if he'd heard right or if maybe he'd entered some kind of Twilight Zone like universe. Sam Hanna did not do reasonable when it came to his physical capabilities.

Sam glanced around the room, then added in an undertone, "Plus, I technically still have two more weeks before I'm cleared for light duty. Hetty was pretty adamant that if I want to 'consult' up until then, I better follow orders. She had some creative threats if I don't." Deeks laughed, perfectly understanding Sam's fear of Hetty but no less amused. It was amazing how far one 4'9 woman could get all of them to jump when she so much as blinked.

"I hear you, man. I think I got the same talk a few days ago."

"What about you? I figured you'd be glad to have the time off," Sam asked, his tone matter of fact as he opened a new email, quickly scanned it for anything suspicious and then moved on to the next when he deemed it useless. Deeks tensed for a second, then forced himself to relax. He had absolutely no reason to feel defensive.

"You know how it is, there's only so many times you can watch SVU or Top Model before you start to go stir-crazy. Although in your case, you probably remodeled your entire boat, learned two new languages and fostered a litter of kittens," he said, purposely rambling a bit in the hopes it would end this line of questioning.

"Uh-huh, nice try, Deeks," Sam said with a chuckle. "I've known you long enough to realize when you're trying to distract me. I'm not going to push you, but if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen." Deeks tapped his keyboard, reading through an email about purchasing a home entertainment system before he responded.

"Thanks, but I think I'm good, Sam," he said in a friendly but firm tone. Sam nodded and continued working in silence for a few more minutes.

"You just seem a little more eager than usual to get back out there," Sam added. Deeks started to object, but Sam held up a hand, cutting him off. "None of us are very good at following doctor's orders, but usually you at least try. Now it's like you can't get back out there fast enough." Deeks rolled his eyes, not showing how much Sam's words bothered him.

"Of course I am. I've seen some of the knuckleheads coming out of FLETC. They're worse than the greenest LAPD rookie and if I'm out for too long, Kensi could end up with one of them for her partner," he replied. Sam sighed, finally pushing his laptop back and turning to face Deeks with an expression that said he was done with beating around the bush.

"I know you've been looking to make some changes for a while now. The bar was a step in that direction. Then with whatever happened with you and Kensi before Mexico, it was clear you'd made a decision or were close to it. But now it's like none of it ever happened." Deeks ruffled the hair on his forehead, feeling completely exposed by Sam's blutness. He thought of a dozen jokes and excuses he could use but he knew none of them would satisfy Sam.

"Things change," he settled on, clearing his throat as a new thought occurred to him. "You know that no matter what, as long as I'm in the field, I will always have every one of your backs, 100%," he assured Sam in a hoarse voice.

"Oh c'mon, Deeks," Sam said in exasperation. "I'm not worried about that. Even if I didn't know it by now, which I do, you made your reservations about Mexico crystal clear, but you still pulled your weight and went above and beyond once we were there." He shook his head, allowing Deeks a moment to hide his surprise.

Even after all these year, he still assumed that people, including his team, thought the very worst of him. Mosley hadn't exactly helped in that area which might explain he felt something suspiciously close to moisture pricking at his eyes.

"What I am worried about is that you're not dealing with whatever you and Kensi fought about. Whatever's been bothering you for a while now," Sam continued, either oblivious to Deeks' emotions or choosing to ignore them. "That's the kind of stuff that eats you up inside over time. It's best to talk it out now, before it festers into something even nastier."

"I appreciate that, Sam. I really do, but right now I don't think talking about it with you is fair to Kensi. We've spent enough time avoiding talking about our issues with each other, so right now I'm just going to wait until Kensi's ready." Deeks said. However good Sam's intentions might be, he knew it would only complicate matters by sharing his problems.

"Fair enough," Sam said easily. "Just remember, if you change your mind I'm always here with an open ear and mind. No judgment."

"Thanks man." Deeks smiled despite himself. He'd been expecting some kind of lecture from Sam which made his quiet support all the more appreciated.

Descending back into a peaceful silence, they continued reading through emails, flagging anything that seemed even remotely suspicious.

"Hey, have you run into anything about a home entertainment system?" Deeks asked Sam about 20 minutes later. He scrolled back up the archive of messages and opened several emails in separate tabs. Sam took a moment to stretch as he thought and then nodded once.

"Yeah, I think I got a couple."

"I have at least 10 and they're all the same. Some vague question about the price or scheduling a meeting, no subject, and the recipient is always hidden," he said, turning his laptop for Sam to see and gesturing to two of the emails which contained nearly the same information. With a frown, Sam ran a search for 'home entertainment system' which brought up five emails.

"These all talk about needing two units and were sent two days before we went to Mexico," Sam said in summary. Deeks started at the screen with a grim kind of satisfaction.

"We need to get Eric down here right now."

* * *

A/N: I just want to apologize right now for any inconsistencies in the spelling of Mosley's son's name. I've seen at least three different spellings (as well as an entirely different name) so I really don't know which one is right. For now, I'm going with Derrick but if I used a different spelling before please don't hold it against me.

I'm going off the assumption that Mosley would have both the connections, power and resources necessary to leave the country covertly.

And if anyone would like to share tips on navigating the procedural/tech stuff, which is definitely not my area of expertise, I'd be super grateful.


	3. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

A/N: I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this story, follow, favorite, and review. I appreciate all your encouragement, feedback, and thoughts. I'd also like to thank my guest reviewers, who I can't reply to, but appreciate it just the same.

* * *

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Kensi strode into the mission, Callen trailing behind her, expecting to see Sam and Deeks still bent over their laptops. It came as somewhat of a surprise to see them both of them slightly reclined in their respective chairs and Nell with their laptops in front of her, tapping furiously at one keyboard, her eyes dancing between the two screens.

Deeks straightened when he saw her, smiling briefly which she returned automatically. She gave him a quick once over, knowing that he didn't miss her gaze on his sling or the arm carefully laid across his stomach which he kept at angle designed to minimize the strain on his ribs.

Callen walked over to his desk with a drawn out sigh as he took his seat. Kensi turned to him with a frown, distracted from Deeks by the overly dramatic sound.

"I'm gonna have to institute a rule if you guys keep this goo-goo eyes stuff up," he said with a look of distaste.

"Or, we could talk about what we found while you were gone?" Nell suggested, her tone sarcastic as she briefly paused her typing.

"You actually found something?" Kensi asked in amazement. She hadn't actually expected Mosley's private emails to yield anything worthwhile. The woman was tech savvy enough to know better than to leave a virtual trail behind.

"Yeah, Deeks found a bunch of emails that we think lead back to whoever Mosley got her passports from," Sam answered. "What about you?" Callen grimaced and stretched himself out on his chair in a similar pose to Deeks'.

"Mosley used one of her defunct aliases to book and board a private flight to Cuba," he said and both Sam and Deeks brightened slightly at the news. "That's the good news. The bad news is: she used a private contractor who is currently in the middle of a flight to Jamaica as we speak. Since Van Nuys doesn't actually employ the pilot or own his plane, they have limited information on whether or not Mosley chartered it for another flight out of Cuba."

"So we're back at square one," Deeks summed up irritably. He adjusted the strap on his sling, a sure sign that his arm was hurting, his expression strained as he finally released the Velcro that kept the straps in place.

Kensi caught his eye again, expressing her concern with a raised eyebrow but Deeks shook his head, throwing in a tiny smile to assure her he was fine.

"Mmm, maybe not," Nell said, holding up one small hand in the air as she picked up her tablet with the other and situated herself in front of the big screen. "I finally pinned down that IP address, traced it to a redesigned warehouse in the meatpacking district. The building has been leased for the last six years to a Ronald McCullough, 33 years old and originally of Lewiston, Idaho."

Nell typed for several seconds and then pointed to the big screen as a photo of Ronald McCullough appeared. He had an angular face with blue eyes, slightly flattened nose and a boxy jaw. His dark brown hair was carefully spiked in a look that reminded Kensi of some of the douchier guys she'd known in high school. All in all though, he wouldn't have looked that out of place in an office building.

"His tech skills must be pretty good if he was able to hide his IP address," Callen commented.

"I wouldn't say good," Nell said with a drawl that put Deeks to shame.

"Well, of course not compared to you," Callen backtracked quickly, earning a satisfied smile from Nell.

"Anyway, Ronald McCullough produces high quality fake passports and a variety of ID's, from drivers' licenses to social security cards. We'll need a little more time to get more detailed information on him since it seems he keeps under the radar fairly well. Eric said he'd start on it as soon as he's done running looking at the latest batch of passports," Nell explained.

"So, what does that mean in regards to the emails?" Deeks asked. "I'm assuming 'home entertainment system' is code for passport, but that would mean Mosley purchased about 8 different passports."

"That seems likely, but I won't know for sure until I do a deeper search," Nell said with an apologetic shrug. Then reluctantly, she added, "Some of the emails also used other key terms which probably reference other ID's or items she purchased from McCullough. Which means that Mosley undoubtedly has the ability to move between and within multiple countries with relative ease."

"Well, we'll go check out McCullough's warehouse. Hopefully he keeps good records and we can finally figure out where Mosley's headed."

"That sounds like an excellent idea, Kensi. Before you go though, I would like to implore you to use caution as you approach Mr. McCullough," Hetty interrupted, coming down from her office, her hands folded together.

"We're always careful," Callen replied and Hetty pointedly cleared her throat, her eyes flickering to Sam and Deeks for a moment.

"Of course, Mr. Callen. Just know that I would be extremely disappointed to hear that another member of this team was injured. We are already understaffed at the moment as we are."

"Doesn't have to be that way," Sam muttered under his breath. Hetty turned on him instantly, an evil glint in her eyes that had him leaning back slightly before he caught himself and straightened, adopting an indifferent expression. Deeks grinned, watching the tiny woman descend on Sam with great amusement.

"Thank you for reminding me, Mr. Hanna. You and Mr. Deeks have worn out your welcome for the day," she said, coming to stand directly in front of their desks so both men had no choice but to look at her.

"Hey, I didn't even say anything," Deeks protested loudly as Sam added,

"I'm fine, Hetty."

"Not another word," she said severely. "Sam, you are not even supposed to be here to begin with and Deeks needs his rest if he expects to be cleared for physical therapy in three weeks. I'll have someone take you both home." Hetty turned to leave.

"Are we allowed to come in tomorrow?" Sam asked sarcastically, his expression innocent as Hetty turned back to face him with a glare.

"That all depends on how well you listen. And on that note, Mr. Deeks, I suggest you put that sling back on before I book you for a week long sensitivity conference in Nebraska," Hetty threatened. She eyed them each for a moment, then apparently satisfied with what she'd seen, returned to her desk.

"Ah, Nebraska. I hear it's lovely this time of year," Callen said, easily dodging the stapler Sam hurled at him. Kensi headed for the front doors amidst Callen's continued taunts and Deeks' breathless chuckles.

* * *

Kensi got home at 8 that night. She was tired and frustrated after an entire day of what felt like chasing their tails. The lights were on in the living room and she could see Deeks sitting on the couch through the front door. Normally he was out by 7:30, his evening dose of meds taking their toll by then, but as she walked through the door he looked up, fully alert and clear-eyed.

"Is everything ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course. I just was waiting up for you," Deeks replied, his expression not matching his flippant words.

"You should have taken your pain medication, I know you didn't take any this afternoon," Kensi admonished him as she stepped into the room, stooping to pet Monty who was laying by the couch before she sat beside Deeks.

"I'm fine, Kens," he insisted. "Did you find anything at the warehouse?" Kensi groaned and pulled her legs up so she was sitting cross legged. Then she yanked her hair tie out, running her fingers through the strands until it was loose and pliant.

"Nothing worthwhile. When we got there, it looked like Ronald McCullough cleared out in a hurry. There were lots of cables, a printer and some other equipment but nothing to indicate where he might have relocated," Kensi said with a sigh of disappointment. Deeks reached out and kneaded her shoulder as she stretched her neck. "And of course, there weren't any files or other relevant evidence. Nell and Eric are going to see if the FBI has dealt with him at all and then get in touch with a contact who works the dark web side of things."

"I'm sorry you guys hit another dead end," Deeks said, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. She pressed closer, wanting to extend the moment for as long as possible. Deeks wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against his chest. She was careful not to put her full weight against his torso, but enjoyed being close to him nonetheless. Belatedly, she noticed his injured arm resting against his knee and she turned to him with a frown.

That was twice in one day he'd taken his sling off. She nudged him until Deeks looked up, his expression distant as though his mind had been somewhere else.

"Hey, I thought the doctor said you were only supposed to take the sling off for a few minutes at a time," she reminded him. Deeks glanced down at his hand sheepishly, then at his sling which was half-buried under a pillow.

"Now, would probably be a bad time to mention the chicken enchiladas in the fridge," he said, clearly hoping to distract her with the promise of food.

"Nice try," she said with a hint of amusement. "But we both know that even though you've been healing really well, if you don't follow the doctor's orders, you could regress or make the break worse."

"I know Kens," he said with a sigh, wordlessly retrieving the sling and handing it over to Kensi with a downtrodden look. She had to hold back a smirk as she fitted it around his forearm and then expertly tightened the strap to the right length before securing the end. "I'm just ready for things to be back to normal."

"Well, you know we've never exactly fit the definition of normal," she said with a smirk, shifting around so she could lean on Deeks' shoulder. At the moment though they could have been any other couple, curled up on the couch after a long day.

"Kensi, I know you don't want to, yet, but we really need to talk," Deeks said, breaking the peaceful silence. Kensi felt her heart sink. He sounded a lot less frantic than he had before Mexico, but it still brought a cold sweat to her forehead. Sucking in a shallow breath, Kens eased herself from Deeks shoulder and stared down at her knees as she attempted to calm her racing heart. Deeks watched her cautiously as though she was the one about to upturn the fragile stability they'd found.

When she didn't say anything, Deeks continued, taking a deep breath of his own, "Pretending that nothing happened isn't helping anything. It's not helping us. And the longer we wait, the harder it's going to be and I don't want to live like that. I want to get it out in the open now."

"Well," Kensi said, swallowing harshly, "it sounds like you've thought about this a lot."

"I've had a lot of time on my hands," Deeks said seriously. Kensi leaned her forehead on her fisted hands and turned to look at him. He definitely looked nervous, but there was also that damned persistence in his eyes that meant he wasn't backing down.

For a moment she considered just giving in. It would certainly be easier to give Deeks what he wanted than debate and argue, and then most likely fight when they couldn't agree on a solution. Maybe she would even be happy, not running into danger every day and knowing she would always come home to her family. It was a debate she'd had with herself a hundred times now and she came to the same conclusion every time. She needed time.

"Fine, let's talk," she said. Deeks looked surprised, as though he had expected her to put up a bigger fight. Kensi nearly rolled her eyes; she wasn't always pig-headed. He seemed to falter for a moment as he gathered his thoughts and then he lifted one of her hands between them, running his fingers over her knuckles.

"Kens, I want to start by saying I'm sorry for what I said to you that night." Kensi blinked in slight confusion, not having expected the conversation to start this way. She didn't say anything though, and waited for Deeks to continue. He blew out a short breath and laughed once, humorlessly, as he shoved at his bangs.

"This is a lot harder than when I practiced it in my head. Ok. Whew, um, I said a lot of things that I regret. I never intended make you feel like you had to choose between me and NCIS. And once I had a chance to calm down, I realized what I was asking, demanding, and I…I know it's probably going to take a while for you to trust me again, but if you'll have me back I want to prove myself as the partner you deserve. In every sense of the word." Deeks voice was hoarse by the time he finished and Kensi blinked harshly to hold back the tears stinging at the back of her eyes. Watching her carefully, Deeks lifted Kensi's hand to his lips, pressing the barest of kisses to her fingers. She could see how hard he was working to appear calm, to reign himself in and not overreact.

Kensi let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and sob, not sure if she wanted to hug Deeks or shake him. Leave it to him to initiate a conversation and then turn it into an apology.

"I never stopped trusting you, Deeks and of course I want you to be my partner. Always," she said earnestly. "And just for future reference, I don't usually cook breakfast for people I'm upset with." Deeks let out a shaky laugh, grasping her fingers a little more tightly.

"So, we're ok then," he said hopefully.

"No," Kensi answered, hating how his face immediately filled with worry. It would be so easy to say yes and be done with it, but they'd been avoiding the truth for long enough. "You just did a complete 180, Deeks. Less than a month ago, you were begging me to leave NCIS, for both of us to be done." Deeks shook his head, a stubborn expression in place before she'd even finished.

"I panicked, which I now really regret, but it was just my fear talking. You were about to go on an unsanctioned mission to Mexico without me. I would have said just about anything in that moment to get you to stay," Deeks said immediately, daring her to counter him.

"I know you panicked. That doesn't mean that what you said wasn't how you really feel. You've been hinting at leaving for over a year and now suddenly you're saying that none of that matters, that we should just go back to business as usual," Kensi said, refusing to back down. At some point, she realized, Deeks had let go of her hand. She missed the reassuring pressure and warmth and almost reached for him with the intent of leaving this particular argument for another time. That was how they'd gotten here in the first place, though, so she squared her shoulders and waited.

"Why does it matter?" Deeks said finally, suddenly looking incredibly exhausted as his shoulders slumped and he pressed his fingers to his eyes for a moment.

"Why does it matter?" Kensi repeated incredulously. "Deeks, you wanted out, that's huge. Not to mention, that you were talking about starting a family soon."

"Things change," Deeks said simply. Kensi felt a strange chill run through her body. She ran through the past three weeks in her head, flashing over Deeks' unusual complacency at times, his desire to return to NCIS, and most recently, him taking complete responsibility for their argument and the fallout. It wasn't that unusual for him to feel misplaced guilt, but this was something else entirely.

"So, you don't want to have a family anymore?" Kensi asked, her mouth dry. Deeks' head snapped up, his expression fierce.

"Of course I do," he said adamantly. "Why do you think I don't?"

"You said things change," Kensi repeated hoarsely. "For all I know, having a family is one of them."

"That's not what I meant," he said, clearly frustrated. "Look, when you walked away from me I realized that I wouldn't have any future, dangerous or not, if you weren't a part of it. And when I woke up in the hospital and you were there, waiting for me, that just drove it home even more."

"So you're just giving up on everything," Kensi summed up. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Of course I'm not!" Deeks said angrily, sucking in a deep breath to calm himself. He ran his through his hair again and she could tell he was annoyed with his inability to control himself. "I will always want to have children with you but I know that that's not where you are right now and I'm not going to push for something that makes you unhappy."

"Just because I can't make a decision now, Deeks, doesn't mean that you should just give up. I'm not asking you to. I don't want you to," Kensi said, gathering Deeks' hand in hers this time. "Baby, listen to yourself. You're saying that you're just going to go along with whatever I want because you think it will make me happy. Do you honestly believe that you can commit to that long-term without feeling resentment for me, for our relationship?"

Deeks turned his head, his eyes far away as he apparently debated what she'd said. He smiled then, the slight rising of his lips at odds with absolute seriousness reflected in his eyes.

"I'm not giving up on what I want, I'm just changing the terms for a while," he said, pushing himself up from the couch. She watched him rise, feeling stricken as he slipped his hand from hers and bent to kiss her forehead.

"Deeks…" she protested.

"You should eat some food before it gets too late," he suggested gently. He headed upstairs, leaving Kensi feeling more apprehensive than she had before they talked. It sounded perfect, in theory, to let Deeks' sacrifice his desires for momentary reconciliation. She might even let herself believe he was being completely honest about his feelings, but her mind kept returning to his expression when he realized she couldn't give him a timeline for leaving.

Eventually she followed after Deeks, having absolutely no appetite, even for his homemade enchiladas. She found Deeks passed out on the bed with the sheet pulled up just below his bare waist. Changing into her sleep shirt, she slid in beside him and cupped his scruffy jaw.

"We'll figure it out, baby," she whispered, feeling reassured as Deeks mumbled in his sleep and turned into her touch.

* * *

A/N: I'd just like to preemptively state that I don't think either Kensi or Deeks are solely to blame for the argument and resulting fallout in the finale. They both have things they need to work through and compromises to make. I'm trying extremely hard not to play favorites.


	4. Pep Talks and Motels

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates. I had some minor health issues which made it difficult to concentrate on writing and I've been writing this particular chapter for weeks.

* * *

Pep Talks and Motels

Deeks walked–well, snuck was probably a better word he decided as he checked over his shoulder–through the mission house basement entrance. It wasn't that he was hiding anything, he just hoped to avoid the inevitable dressing-down from Hetty for as long as possible and he knew she was less likely to monitor that particular entrance.

He'd driven himself to work this morning which he technically hadn't been cleared to do by his surgeon. He was more than capable of driving with one hand but that didn't mean his colleagues, fiancé or boss would be so understanding. The chastisement was worth it though; he'd arrived before anyone but the lowliest of grunt workers and most likely Hetty, because she was always first no matter what time of day or night it was.

Deep down, he knew it was a cowardly move, but he'd woken up early that morning with Kensi tucked against his side. She'd looked so peaceful, free from the worry and tension that had become their reality lately. For a moment he'd forgotten everything, their argument and near breakup, the fear that had plagued him for only god knew how long. For that moment he'd simply basked in the joy of having Kensi by his side.

Then their conversation from the previous night had crept in. To say that it hadn't played out how he'd imagined was a bit of an understatement. That had been happening a lot lately. Of course he hadn't expected his apology to magically fix everything; there was still a lot of hurt and misunderstanding on both their ends to deal with and that would certainly take time.

She didn't owe him any forgiveness and he knew he'd spend the next several years of his life regretting what he'd said to Kensi in that parking garage. He didn't know how he could convince her that he was willing to give up a 'normal' life as long as she would have him.

All of that had coursed through his mind as he lay next to Kensi and he knew the tension and wariness would return as soon as she woke up. Rather than ruin his moment of fantasy, he'd scooched out of bed as quietly as possible, showered downstairs, let Monty out for a few minutes and then drove his truck to work.

He'd sent her a text before leaving, hoping that it would offset any upset at finding him gone, citing unfinished LAPD paperwork as an excuse. Hopefully Kensi would be distracted enough by him driving to question it. At the very least, it would keep her from worrying about where he was.

Deeks took a shortcut down a small hallway which lead to the gym and nearly jumped out of his skin when the lights flicked on overhead.

"Hmm, sneaking in through the back door. I didn't realize we were back in high school," Callen said, smirking broadly. He leaned against the doorway to the gym, one leg crossed over the other and looking way too smug for this time of the morning.

"Geez man, I'm already in weakened condition are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Deeks said, clutching his chest dramatically. Completely unmoved, Callen rolled his eyes and shifted off the wall.

"I just watched you jog up two flights of stairs, I think you'll be fine," he said dryly. "You never said why you're creeping around in the dark."

"I need to finish up some paperwork for LAPD," Deeks explained, deciding it was the excuse of the day. He walked towards the door, bypassing Callen. After a moment, he followed after Deeks because apparently six-freaking-thirty in the morning wasn't too early to be tortured by your bored teammates.

"Cause you haven't had any spare time to do paperwork, what with you being home for three weeks and then tied to your desk all day." Deeks didn't bother replying and continued walking, albeit more slowly than normal which meant Callen had no trouble keeping up. "I don't suppose this little detour wouldn't have anything to do with you driving yourself to work today, would it?" Callen asked, a hint of playfulness in his voice that could either mean he was just messing with Deeks or planned to have a talk with Hetty, depending on his mood.

"You never mentioned what you're doing here so early, or why you're watching me, which is class A stalker material, I might add."

"I couldn't sleep," Callen said simply.

"And you couldn't find anyone else to bug?" Deeks guessed, looking at Callen skeptically as he drew even with him.

"Where's Kensi?"

"I really don't want to have this talk right now," Deeks said fervently. No matter how well intentioned, he was definitely not feeling up to a heart-to-heart with Callen.

"Yeah, too bad. Everybody knows something's going on with you two. Hell, we knew it when you couldn't hold eye contact for more than a second on the plane," he said mercilessly and Deeks held back a groan.

"If you're worried about it affecting our ability to work, you don't have to. We've got things covered."

"Really, then you wanna explain why you're avoiding her?" Deeks spun around, his frustration bubbling over as he came to a stop in front of Callen.

"I screwed up, said some really stupid things, even for me before we left for Mexico, and now I'm don't if we're getting married, let alone if we have a future together. Are you happy now?" Deeks said, watching with bitter satisfaction as Callen's eyes widened briefly in the face of his anger.

"Ok, obviously you've been holding that in for a while," he said after a long moment.

"This isn't funny," Deeks said.

"I agree. You said you guys talked?"

"Yeah," he said with a sigh, his anger deserting him as quickly as it had appeared. "I apologized and Kensi said she forgave, me but," he shook his head and swiped at his hair. "I don't know man, she's hanging onto what I said and I don't know how to fix it."

"Sometimes these things take time to heal, or so I've been told," Callen said, looking distinctly uncomfortable as he tended to whenever relationships or emotions where mentioned. If Deeks had been in a better frame of mind he might have found the entire situation amusing.

"I keep feeling like I'm two seconds from losing everything and it's terrifying. You know Kensi is…I don't know what I'll do if she leaves me. She's literally my world." He sucked in a shallow breath; it was the first time he'd fully verbalized his fears without keeping anything back. It was simultaneously terrifying and a relief.

Callen cocked his head and smiled wryly.

"Well, loathe as I am to say it, you guys are good for each other and I know you'll work things out eventually," he said and then, surprising Deeks more than the unexpected pep talk, he reached out and squeezed his shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring. "And I'm sure if you need some time, no one he here will blame you. Both of you have earned a break."

* * *

Kensi was waiting by her desk when he and Callen finally walked into the bullpen. It was barely 7 o'clock. He could tell right away that she was on edge, but trying to hide it. Her phone was clutched in one hand and she was leaning against her desk, a frown creasing her eyebrows. She looked up as they walked in and a look of relief crossed her face.

"I'm gonna go check on the weapons roster," Callen announced, eyeing them both with a knowing look. Kensi waited just long enough for the sound of his footsteps to fade before she crossed the space between them, giving him no choice but to face her.

"You were gone when I woke up," she said, the statement simple but holding so much meaning with the hurt coloring her voice.

"I texted you," Deek explained as though there was any chance Kensi would let it go at that.

"Yeah, I saw it. I was still worried. What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just–"

"Deeks, you left home before six to come here and do non-existent paperwork," Kensi interrupted, glancing around her before she continued, lowering her voice, "We can't fix things if we're not honest with each other. Are you upset with what I said last night, I know it's not what you wanted to hear." Deeks held back a frustrated, humorless chuckle and rubbed his eyes. Of course Kensi would assume she was to blame for this.

"Kensi, I swear this has nothing to do with you. It's all me," he said. Kensi stepped even closer, laying a hand on his cheek that nearly broke him with its gentleness. If he wasn't careful he'd lose all of this.

"Then tell me," she begged. "Tell me what's going on so we can figure it out together."

"Kens–" A sharp no-nonsense whistle cut him off as Eric ran halfway down the stairs.

"Guys, we found Ronald McCullough. Everybody up in OSP, Sam's on his way," he said quickly, then noting that it was only the two of them added, "I'll text Callen."

"God, doesn't anybody on this team sleep anymore," Deeks muttered, turning back to Kensi who didn't look even slightly amused. He sucked in a shallow breath and blew it back out slowly, while Kensi continued to watch him, unrelenting as she waited for him to respond..

"I know you want answers, but right now I'm not even sure what they are," he said honestly. "But as soon as I do, I will tell you."

"I'll hold you to that," Kensi said seriously. "We better get upstairs before Hetty comes looking for us." They walked up the stairs together and he could have sworn he saw Kensi's hand twitch a couple times as though she was fighting back the impulse to take his hand.

They walked into OSP and Hetty greeted them with a nod, looking immaculate in a burgundy suit and not at all surprised that the majority of her team was present two hours earlier than expected. Deeks followed Kensi to behind the table. Callen walked in behind them a few seconds later, making Deeks think that he hadn't actually bothered to go all the way to the weapons room, but had merely lingered in the hallway.

"Let's get started, we can catch Sam up when he arrives," Hetty said.

"Ok," Nell said, pivoting to face Kensi, Deeks and Callen. 'So after looking through Ronald McCullough's records, we found that about a month ago he emptied one of his bank accounts which held about $40,000. It also appears that around that same time he stopped using his personal email accounts, cell phone and any websites connected to his counterfeiting business," Nell explained, clicking through a series of forms that showed McCullough's bank accounts and phone records.

"He's hiding from someone. Which is why he cleared out the warehouse," Kensi summed up.

"Exactly. But exactly who that someone might be, we're not sure."

"Well, he definitely wasn't on our radar yet, was another agency looking into him?" Callen asked.

"Not that I'm aware of. He's never been arrested and there are no open warrants for him. When he communicated with clients it was always through encrypted emails and word on the street is that he never met with any of them in person," Eric said.

"How'd his clients contact him in the first place?" Deeks asked.

"It appears he had another office, which we haven't located yet, disguised as a furniture company. Potential clients could go there and request various ID's based on a series of code words such as, entertainment system. That's probably where the pickup was as well." Eric said.

"So where's he been hiding out?" Callen asked.

"Well, certainly not his two story penthouse," Eric said, displaying a picture of an ultramodern building that probably cost a couple million at least. Deeks let out a low whistle. "To say business was doing well is a bit of an understatement."

"And his current location, Mr. Beale," Hetty prompted.

"Of course, Hetty. We put a BOLO out on Ronald McCullough's Porsche just in case and late last night it was spotted by an LAPD patrolmen outside a diner in Reseda. Apparently he couldn't bear to part with it. The patrolmen called it in and we were able to track him to the Happy Days Motel using security cams."

Nell displayed a new picture of a pay-by-day motel that looked distinctly decrepit, especially beside the shiny penthouse. Deeks decided that the owner must have a sense of humor because the place looked anything but happy.

"Classy," he said wryly. "He must be pretty desperate to make such a downgrade."

"Yeah, his lifestyle has taken a definite downturn recently."

"What'd I miss? I got a text from Nell saying they found McCullough." Sam said as the doors to OSP slid open and he swung through on his crutches.

"Yeah, he's on the run from persons unknown and living in a super luxurious motel called Happy Days," Deeks by way of greeting, sliding a chair forward which Sam accepted with a grateful smile. Sam glanced at the picture on screen and grimaced.

"This is one time I'm glad I have a bum leg. Those places always smell like old beer, stale cigarettes, and puke," he said.

"Thanks for reminding me," Kensi said, her nose flaring with disgust.

"Alright, Mr. Callen and Miss Blye, please apprehend Mr. McCullough. I'm getting quite sick of hearing his name. Sam, I'd like you to complete the weapons log for the month and Deeks I've scheduled you to meet with the FBI. They want to confirm a few details from your interview," Hetty instructed each of them in turn.

Deeks held back a sigh; he'd already been questioned by the FBI twice. He nodded instead and tightened the strap on his sling out of habit.

"Oh, and they'll be meeting you in one of the conference rooms here so there's no need for you to bother driving," Hetty added pointedly, glaring at Deeks for a moment before she left.

They quietly dispersed, Kensi following close behind Callen as he badgered Sam about his slow pace. Deeks thought he was in serious danger of getting whacked with one of Sam's crutches if he kept it up. He wasn't sure if she was purposefully avoiding him at the moment or simply eager to retrieve McCullough.

It was probably a good thing either way; he seemed incapable of saying the right thing these days.

* * *

The Happy Days Motel was even less appealing in person. It consisted of three separate units of about 20 rooms each and a smaller building which Kensi figured was the office. The rusting orange sign out front was tilting precariously and one of the 'p's and the 'h' were missing from the word 'happy'. They followed the rusty arrows that pointed to the front office, walking into a musty smelling room that contained a couple of chairs, a fake plant and a middle-aged man behind the front desk.

"Rooms are $30 for a day and night, two dollars off a night if you pay for a week in advance. TV's are $15 a night. Cash or credit only," he said without looking up. Callen cleared his throat and the man slowly lifted his head, his expression bored.

"We're not looking for a room. I'm Agent Callen and this is Agent Blye, we're from NCIS," Callen said, briefly displaying his badge. The man's eyebrows lifted and he looked mildly interested.

"Have you seen this man?" Kensi asked, sliding a picture of Ronald McCullough onto the desk. A flurry of dust erupted in its wake and she fought back a sneeze.

"Yeah, he's been renting a room for about three weeks I think. Hasn't caused any trouble, but I guess you never can tell. Hey, this isn't about his car is it? I told him a dozen times that it was gonna get stolen and–"

"Sir, we're not here about his car. We just need to know what room he's in," Kensi interrupted.

"Room 23."

Room 23 was located in the second building at the center of the lot on the second floor. Callen pounded on the dull red door, right below the peeling number and called out, "NCIS."

There was no response and he nodded to Kensi, who removed her gun and readied herself as he knocked a second time. She heard a faint creak, like someone taking a step over a loose board and she glanced up at Callen again. He shifted slightly behind her as she lifted her leg and drove her heal into the lock. It crashed open with a sharp splintering noise, the entire locking mechanism breaking off in the process.

As she knocked the door open all the way, she heard a shot and a bullet passed just over her head, imbedding itself in the railing before her. She ducked to the side as Callen popped his head into the room and fired his gun, quickly concealing himself behind the wall again when two more shots were returned.

"He's in the bathroom," he whispered, letting Kensi know the location of the shooter. She nodded, leaning around the edge of the door and aiming for the man peeking out of the bathroom at the opposite end of the room. She didn't get a great look, before he disappeared again but from what she could tell, the shooter wasn't Ronald McCullough.

"Cover me," Kensi whispered, earning a nod from Callen who prepared to pop up once she'd entered the room. "1, 2…" Just as she started to say three, a second man came barreling out from Callen's side of the room, crashing into both of them. She had just enough time to see that it was Ronald McCullough and though his tackle had been clumsy and off-center it was enough to knock her to the ground.

Her gun skittered across the cement and she groaned as her head slammed against the hard surface. She was on her stomach, McCullough trying to hold her in place as she kicked out and bucked in an attempt to displace him. Around them, she heard the gunfire continue and she renewed her struggles, managing to flip them over and punch him in the stomach.

He let out a grunt of pain, but kept a hold around Kensi's middle which he used to shove her face first into the railing. A second later she felt his other arm wrap around her throat, cutting off her air. She gasped and choked, digging at his jacket covered arm as her vision started to darken.


	5. Cumulative Effect

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has shown their support for this fic by reviewing, following and favoriting. I appreciate each and every one of you and hope you enjoy this update.

I'd just like to note that any resemblance between this chapter (or subsequent chapters) and Psyched's awesome story _Running on Faith_ are purely coincidental. I'd thought of the general aspects of this story before reading any other season 9 finale fics. So no plagiarism is intended.

* * *

With every passing second, her senses dulled, a roaring in her ears blocking out the sound of continued gunfire. Kensi knew she had only a few more moments before she would be incapable of fighting back at all and with great effort she fought down the panic spreading through her body.

Ronald McCullough was hardly the most adept opponent she'd come up against but he was determined, keeping his arm locked tight against her neck while he used his weight to hold her in place. Kensi arched her back desperately which blessedly loosened his hold, even if momentarily and gave her enough room to free one arm. Immediately she shoved her elbow backwards once in the general direction of McCullough's face and then again in his abdomen as he released her. His groan of pain combined with a crunching noise, said her aim had been true.

At any other time, Kensi would have felt a touch of satisfaction, but at the moment she was too busy sucking in deep breaths. She pushed McCullough away from her, who she saw through teary eyes had both hands clamped over his face, and stumbled to her feet, drunkenly lurching towards her gun. The movement strained her abdomen, tugging at newly abused muscles and she gritted her teeth to hold back a gasp.

Damn, she'd probably bruised her ribs again. Her throat ached as well and she could already feel a bump rising on her forehead.

McCullough made a last-ditch grab for the gun, his fingers brushing her ankle as she kicked his hand away. She picked it up, tucking it into the back of her pants and took a few breaths to steady the trembles running through her body before crouching over McCullough and firmly pressing her knee into his back.

Wordlessly, she jerked his arms behind his back and handcuffed him. The report of gunfire had stopped so she assumed Callen had dealt with the unknown shooter inside the motel room. A minute later he confirmed her suspicions when he exited, his gun drawn.

"Kensi, are you ok?" he asked, gesturing towards her face as he walked closer. Her nose had been steadily dripping blood since McCullough slammed her into the railing but she didn't think it was broken.

"Uh, yeah, he resisted arrest," she replied hoarsely and clumsily swiped at her upper lip. If the look on Callen's face was anything to go by, she'd only made it worse. He didn't comment further though, merely nodded, taking her at her word.

"Shooter is dead." He nodded his head in the direction of the motel room. "What about him?"

"Still conscious, unfortunately," Kensi said, giving McCullough an unnecessary but thoroughly satisfying kick with her booted foot. He didn't say anything and didn't resist when she dragged him to his feet and then read him his rights.

While she transported McCullough to the SUV, Callen investigated the motel room. He returned in half an hour with a distinctly dissatisfied expression as he approached where she waiting outside the vehicle.

"I found a driver's license on McCullough's friend. It identified him as Wayne Cofield but who knows if it's legitimate. Otherwise there wasn't much besides a few hundred dollars and their phones. I called in a team to do a thorough sweep of the room and take care of Cofield," he explained.

"Well, at least we might be able to squeeze something out of McCullough. He doesn't strike me as the type to hold out for too long when threatened with federal prison. Let's get him to the boatshed," Kensi said.

"Oh no, we're dropping him off at the boatshed and then I'm taking you back to the mission to get fixed up," Callen said immediately.

"Callen I'm fine," she insisted which earned her a rather annoying eye roll.

"Sure you are." Callen raised his eyebrows and she crossed her arms, refusing to give in. Eventually Callen sighed. "Fine, but you do need to change your shirt. Plus, I'm pretty sure Hetty will be pissed if you wait to tell her you were hurt," he added when Kensi started to protest again.

"Damn, you're right," she sighed.

"And I don't think Deeks would be too happy either." That made her pause as she considered Deeks' response to seeing her injured, even if it was only slightly, so soon after their Mexican fiasco.

"Alright, let's go, but do not even think of interrogating McCullough without me."

"I promise I'll keep the car running until you get back."

* * *

Deeks, who she noticed wasn't wearing his sling once again, and Sam were seated at their desks, focused on something on the overhead screen which Eric and Nell were explaining in turns. It took them a moment to notice her, but when they did she saw four varying degrees of concern as they took in her appearance. She'd expected Deeks to be worried, maybe even a little angry, but she was shocked when his face went from pleased to upset and then rapidly paled like he was about to be sick.

He stood hastily, his eyes never leaving her, nearly stumbling as he pushed back his chair.

"Excuse me, I need to…" he mumbled almost unintelligibly, quickly walking away before he'd finished, and disappearing down the hallway that lead to the burn room.

"Kensi, are you ok?" Sam asked seriously and she nodded absently.

"Um, yeah, it's not as bad as it looks," she murmured distractedly.

"Kensi…" Nell started but Kensi interrupted her, too concerned about Deeks to bother with niceties or questions.

"Sorry, I need to check on Deeks. Let Callen know he can go without me," she said, already following after Deeks. She opened the burn room door with a certain amount of trepidation and let out a long breath as she slipped inside. It took her a moment to realize Deeks wasn't punching a hole in the wall or pacing angrily as she'd expected.

Instead he was crouched near the far wall, his head buried in his hands and back bent into a position that had to be incredibly uncomfortable with his still-healing ribs.

"Baby," she whispered, dropping down beside him. His back shuddered visibly and Kensi froze for a second, unsure of what to do. She heard Deeks drag in a ragged breath which spurned her back into action. "Breathe, Deeks," she coached, rubbing her hand over his back. He continued to tremble, his breaths turning into uneven gasps.

"You're ok, Deeks," she continued chanting, not sure if she was doing any good and desperately trying to remember anything she knew about panic attacks. In the past few years, they'd helped each other with the aftermath of numerous nightmares but she'd never seen Deeks in a state this bad. Something about breathing to the count of four came to her, probably courtesy of some class she'd taken or Nate's efforts to help her through one trauma or another. "Breathe with me. Long, deep breaths, Baby. That's it."

Kensi curled her upper body around Deeks' back and continued whispering instructions between long, deep breaths as she counted to four in her head. Deeks' heart beat out a fast, arrhythmic pattern that she could feel through his shirt, but she also heard him copying her, attempting to alter his breaths to match hers.

Slowly his heartbeat became, if not normal, less indicative of impending heart attack. "Good, Deeks. Keep breathing, long and slow," she encouraged.

"God…I'm sorry, Kensi," he whispered unevenly.

"No, no, you don't need to apologize, Baby." Kensi bit her lip against an onslaught of tears that had previously been held at bay by necessity. Something was seriously wrong if Deeks thought he needed to apologize for having a panic attack. "Just tell me what happened."

Deeks shook his head and Kensi schooled her features to hide the disappointment she felt even though he still had his head lowered, thinking he was denying her. Then he shuddered out a long breath. He eased himself onto his butt, his usual easy movements uncoordinated as he finally looked Kensi in the eye.

"I don't even know," he started, pausing to clear his throat when it broke unexpectedly. "Um, I just saw you, when you came in, I saw your face and the bruises, the blood. I don't know. I flashed back to when you were trapped under that helicopter and even though I knew you were standing there right in front of me…" He shrugged, apparently unable to find words to accurately describe what he'd experienced. "And I started feeling my chest getting tight and I knew I had to get out of there."

Kensi dropped her hand to his arm, instinctively gripping him as though it would somehow protect him. His head fell against the wall with a dull thud. He looked exhausted; more so than what could be explained away by his recovery or even the last few minutes.

"Deeks, has this happened before?" Kensi asked cautiously. Please say no, she silently begged him even though she knew the real answer before he reluctantly answered.

"Not this bad," Deeks said quietly, somehow managing to look ashamed as he ran a shaking hand through his hair. "When you…um, when you had to go into the silo," he supplied without Kensi having to ask. The damn silo again. If it weren't for that awful mission, they wouldn't be here Kensi thought bitterly.

No, that wasn't true, this had all started long before she was asked to talk her long-forgotten ex out of arming a nuclear warhead. That had just brought it all to a head.

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

"By the time you got back, I'd managed to convince myself it didn't happen, that I was just scared and freaked out a little bit."

"Deeks, obviously this is way more serious than just being scared," Kensi said incredulously. "If that day was anything like today, it's not just a random occurrence."

"It never happened in the field, Kensi, and if it had I would have done something before now. I would never put you in danger," he replied fiercely and with just a touch of desperation. As though his commitment to protecting at all times was ever in doubt.

"Deeks, I want you to listen to me and listen to me good, this is not about me trusting you. I trust you completely. And it's not about your competency, this is about how you feel, how you're coping. I want what's best for you and this," Kensi motioned to where Deeks was slouched on the floor, "this is not it."

Deeks looked down at his hands, watching his intertwined fingers for a long time. It wasn't clear if he was refusing to continue the conversation or merely thinking. Kensi waited, having a feeling that no matter the terrible timing, it was essential that they not put this off until later.

"I've been really worried about you getting hurt for a couple years now," Deeks said suddenly, his voice scratchy and weary sounding. "I guess worried is a major understatement; terrified is more accurate. At first it was just when you were in danger and I wasn't there but once I knew you were ok and I was by your side again, I'd be fine.

"What changed?" Kensi asked, needing to hear Deeks put it into words himself.

"We went to Syria and you nearly died, then you were kidnapped. It was always something and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I felt, I feel so…helpless."

"And that's when you started talking about getting out," Kensi concluded. Deeks nodded.

"It seemed like the best option." Kensi closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Deeks' arm for a moment. She'd known the last nine years had put a strain on Deeks', but she'd never realized quite how much. It suddenly made his desire to leave NCIS a lot more reasonable.

"When I got cleared to come back this time, I thought I could handle you being in the field without me as long as I was nearby and knew what was happening to you," Deeks said.

"But it hasn't, has it?"

"No," Deeks whispered sadly. "If anything, I think it's gotten worse. I just didn't realize how much until now."

"I'm sorry, Baby. I'm sorry that I didn't realize you were feeling like this and that I haven't really listened to you," Kensi said, leaning forward so she was partially embracing him.

"Kensi, you don't need to apologize to me. I should have told you from the start and that's on me. I mean, I don't even know why I'm reacting this way, it's not like anything actually happened to me–" Kensi grasped Deeks' chin, cutting him off abruptly as she tipped his face up until he had no choice but to look at her.

"Stop. Just stop blaming yourself for things you can't control."

"I think…" Deeks swallowed harshly and looked down again before continuing, glancing through his eyelashes as he spoke. "I think I need to take some time. From here, at least until I figure out what's going on."

It made Kensi's heart clench painfully to see Deeks so unsure of himself, unsure of how she would respond and once again she wondered how they'd gotten here. A part of her, the part that was still silently freaking out at the sight of her partner quaking on the floor, was ready to fill out matching leave papers with Deeks immediately. The more rational part of her agreed that Deeks needed time and probably therapy of some kind, but she knew that being impulsively leaving would help neither of them.

Not knowing what else to do, Kensi eased in beside Deeks. Linking their fingers together, she laid her head on his shoulder and Deeks rested his chin on top of her hair with a quiet sigh.

"Are you ok, I didn't even think to ask," Deeks said after a few minutes of silence. He shifted slightly so he could look at her without disrupting their position. Kensi nodded stiffly as he lifted her chin and gently ran his fingers over jaw. It hadn't looked that bad when she checked during the ride over to the mission, but she imagined that the bruising was starting to darken.

"Yeah," she whispered. The, remembering that the very reason they were sitting on the cold, hard burn room floor right now was because they thought it was better pretend everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. "Actually, my throat's a little sore and I'm pretty sure my face is going to be really gnarly in a few hours. I think I also bruised my ribs, but I will be ok."

Deeks mapped the large bruise on her throat and then just barely touched each of the scrapes and cuts on her face before he leaned in to kiss her forehead. It caught her by surprise; the pure love and trust in the simple gesture threatening to bring tears to her eyes.

"Ok," he said after another few moments of silence. Deeks cleared his throat and shook his head while blowing out several slow breaths. "Ok, we should probably get back out there before someone comes looking."

"You're sure you're ready?" Kensi asked. Deeks looked much better than he had even a few minutes ago, but he also looked drained.

"Yeah, I'm good," he said and if his voice sounded just a little more strained than usual she chose to ignore it for now. Getting to her feet, she offered Deeks her hand. He allowed her to pull him up and together they walked toward the door.

* * *

A/N: So, I know it's been a while since I updated (what's new, right). I also know in order to continue this story, I'll be over lapping with the new season. Let me know if you think continuing this is worth it, or if you think I should call it a day with this story and stick to my one-shots.

Also, I promise that if I do finish this, everything will tie together in the end. I do have a plan for where this is going.


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